Wanted: a good home for a parrot...

But let's be honest, this thing really is the parrot from hell. It's an African Grey, but not one of the cute, light grey ones, with a colourful tail, and an endearing ability to bow its head and imitate words and phrases. Not for her (her - I have no idea, and don't really care, what gender it is - it doesn't really matter does it? It's alone in a cage... - her name is 'Alicia', Greek for 'truth', named optimistically in the belief that I could teach her to repeat rude things about people in Greek...) a happy life of parroting solitude...Twice she has actually escaped. Yes, twice she has forced open the door of her (enormous - I tried, I gave her the best) cage, and flew to pastures new...except she can't fly; it turns out she has had her wings clipped and can merely 'soar' (although that is probably too majestic a word for it - 'plummeted' is probably the best expression)...anyway, twice she escaped, once into the parking lot, from where she was returned by the bawab who looks after it, once onto the nearby generator-filled, sump oil-soaked roof of the next building, where she was fed for a couple of days by the itinerant Syrian workmen who live there (yes, such is the country we live in...) before a group of my students, upon hearing this heart-rending tale, rescued her and returned her to me. Damn it. I thought I had got away morally scot-free - she escaped, I had nothing to do with it...

Anyway, the point is this; I got (she didn't ask for it, she has no reason to be grateful therefore...) her a massive cage in which to live; I feed and water her religiously; I bought her a bunch of 'stimulating' stuff because the pertinent websites tell me that they need stimulation because of their enormous intelligence; I have tried, and tried, to make efforts to befriend her (but let's be honest: there are certain bridges I will not cross...), and still we don't like each other. It's not really a surprise is it? She is an African Grey, illegal in this country (in most countries), so god knows under what conditions she was brought here, or raised, so she has a healthy, I think, antipathy towards human beings. Let's face it, a creature that can escape, realise it can't fly, gets taken back against her will and ability, to the place she escaped from, to her hated captor, and still escapes again, has to be either desperate, or stupid, or both...

She was bought (indeed - bought: members of one species can purchase members of another...) on a complete whim; the day before my 45th birthday, and harbouring a thoughtless desire to have one because a close friend of mine has a brother who owns one which is really cute, I bought it. I mistook its gymnastics in the confines of the pet shop (if it can be called that...) for an endearing individuality. I undertook no research beforehand; I don't, like most humans, really care for the non-human species except when they are cute and endearing and attractive to my own species. We love (some) canines, but not others; we think rabbits are cute but not voles; who is campaigning for 'cockroach rights'?). In short, it's now 'mine'; I 'own' a creature of my own. Wow, it's a bit like slavery isn't it, except it doesn't have to work, it just has to entertain me...Except it doesn't. After dark, we tolerate each other. She is permanently exiled out on the balcony. I sometimes cover her when the sun is shining (the websites and the 'pet shop' owner tells me they don't like direct sunlight), but sometimes I forget; sometimes when I do cover her, I forget to uncover her. if I'm at work, and it begins to rain, well, sometimes the roof of the balcony does its job, sometimes it doesn't. I am not going to bring her inside at night, because - as those of you who know, know - these things wake up early, make noise, and then repeat the exercise at sundown. In the case of Alicia, there is nothing endearing at all about this noise, it's just a god-awful incessant screeching. The same screeching which is repeated any time I attempt to go anywhere near her. Frankly, it's an unbearable noise.

Anyway, the point is this (but I felt some background was needed)...moralise all you want, but I think I am not best suited to possessing a wild animal. I know there are many people around here who believe that owning wild animals, 'domesticating' them, is either healthy, or morally acceptable, or 'nice', or even doing them a favour, 'rescuing' them from an even worse fate (and, in this country, there are many worse fates...); there are even organisations, BETA for example (http://www.betalebanon.org/), that dedicate themselves to this type of thing (although not, it must be said, ALL animals come under their interested care, just the 'nice' ones, obviously...); some of you have very well-intentioned motivations when it comes to the treatment of wild animals. Myself, I believe that Peter Singer, the Utilitarian philosopher, had it right that we humans have a certain ethical (not moral) duty towards the non-human species. They may not have rights, but they do have interests, and their interests certainly do not outweigh our own; the fact that we can domesticate, enslave and use such creatures does not mean that our own interests trump theirs. They are not objects that exist for our pleasure; they are not playthings. At the same time, we do have to ask ourselves some questions about what we think we are doing by endorsing the domestication of wild animals. Recently, the Catalonian government banned bull-fighting in Catalonia. The response of the bull-fighting lobby was that bulls would have to be culled in large numbers if the cultural practice of bull fighting were outlawed. Well, imagine; if the practice of owning cats, rabbits, dogs, parrots were outlawed, we would protest in much the same way, with exactly the same argument...

So, I am (let me be honest) nowhere near the end of my tether with Alicia; I could quite contentedly tolerate her for a while yet; she amuses me at times, and she certainly amuses many of my friends (whether Alicia is amused is another question; how often do we anthropomorphise animal responses to human behaviour? How often do we take their responses to our behaviour to be enjoyment, pleasure, without really knowing whether it is or not?); we have come to a mutual understanding (what an absurd, again anthropomorphic, statement, but you know what I mean) - I am not going to abuse her, and if needs be I will bring her inside when the cold weather starts - she has interests which I cannot morally override); I am constantly trying to make her life as pleasurable as my limited non-animal imagination can stretch; she is not irritating; I have tuned her out - she no longer wakes me up in the morning for example; we derive no pleasure from each other; I take care of her (yes, yes, I know: ensuring her material well-being is only part of it...but I have no idea if the thing has a mind, a psyche, a set of emotional responses, so it cannot be said either way that I either am, or am not, caring for her 'emotionally' or 'intellectually', or 'psychologically'...). I have no idea at all what her experience is like - no human can have any idea what the life of a non-human is like, Thomas Nagel nailed that one - but I suspect it is not all that marvellous: she is a wild animal, and a wild animal does not, 'naturally', live in cages, apartments, houses.

However, I also suspect that things could be better. So, I know that many of you care more than I do for members of non-human species, so which one of you is prepared to take her and give her the life I cannot? I am often told that criticism without a practical solution is worthless. So, as I wrote above, "moralise all you want", but if you are going to moralise, then do something about it.

I know that this is not the best way to "sell" her, to "appeal" to your better instincts, but if there are any Singer-esque Utilitarians out there, you will not be persuaded by such empty rhetoric anyway. And if a cute photo of a cuddly parrot is a deal-breaker, then you probably should not be allowed to be anywhere near a member of the non-human species in the first place.

I make this appeal on behalf of Alicia.

P.S. I first wrote this some weeks ago, and sent it to the listserv of my employer. Alicia is not any longer 'on the market', but it generated some interesting responses. Sadly, only one person really understood...